i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
