I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
