I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
