im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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