I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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