Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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