Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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