What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
