jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
