If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
