when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize