Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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