i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
