): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
