We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
