i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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