just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
