dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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