i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
