i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
