i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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