you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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