There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
