I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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