I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
