I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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