There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
