Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
