Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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