Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
