Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
