Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
