This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's rum buckets o'clock
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
