I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
too bad you live with your parents still
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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