if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
