Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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