The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
