Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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