i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
did i walk over a car last night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
