So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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