the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
