My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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