I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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