While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
