i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
