yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
