Kareoke will never be a sober sport
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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