Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
