was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
