this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
