Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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