hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
