Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
