just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
