She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
