i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
