dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
