this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
