why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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