Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
