Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize